4 Keys To Managing Internal Tension

Anyone who has ever watched kids play happily has probably had the thought: “Wouldn’t it be great to go back to being a kid?” Oh to return to the days when our biggest stresses were who our best friend would be that year at school, what we would do with them over the summer, which costume we would choose for Halloween, or whether we’d get what we wanted that year for Christmas or not. As many memes have aptly put… “Adulting” is not fun.

Part of the reality that comes with adulthood/maturing is learning to live with and manage internal tension. Right after the famous “love passage” of the Bible in 1st Corinthians 13:11, Paul says “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” The reality is that children also feel tension and deal with it according to a certain behavioral pattern. God offers Christians a more difficult process whereby we are forged into the disciples Jesus wants us to be. When we are not able to solve tension, we must learn to manage with it. I hope that these four keys to dealing with tension are helpful for you.

1. Take a breather. Most of us can’t afford to take a week off work or go to a nice retreat where we can sort all our thoughts and feelings out. When things start boiling inside, go somewhere free and relaxing. I like to take a quick walk around the block. At first, I try to force myself to breathe in and out slowly without any words. Sometimes, even in prayer we can further our anxiety. For that reason and many more, silence truly is golden. About halfway, I verbalize some thoughts. This helps me calm down, clarify my thoughts, and communicate them so I can get to them bottom of what is really bugging me. I also have a few “go-to” Bible verses that I repeat in this “take a breather” process as well.

2. Find a healthy outlet. It’s been said that everything that comes in, must go out. Just as we learn to go to God for what we need, we also need some healthy outlets to get the stress out. Our human tendency is to find comfort in substances, food, and even sinful places. Most of us eventually vent to another person. Make sure you’re venting to a safe person who won’t gossip about it, give you bad advice, and who is entirely outside of the situation.

3. Refuse to let fear (or hurt feelings) make your decisions for you. Fear forces us to magnify the negatives and ignore the positives. Fear creates polarized thinking that everything is always black and white. Fear forces us to overgeneralize, basing conclusions on singular pieces of evidence. Fear assumes other peoples’ motivations are based in flawed thinking. Fear catastrophizes, always expecting disaster to strike. Fear causes us to perceive ourselves as the victim. Fear causes us to believe that we’re being unfairly treated. Fear blames others for our problems. Fear wants to be right. Fear expects others to change. Fear expects that every good action will one day “pay off” or that we are owed reward on the backend for doing the right thing. Fear emotionally mislabels others. Above all, do you know what the most dangerous element of fear is? Fear automatically believes that our feelings are true above other evidence to the contrary. Don’t let fear or hurt feelings make your decisions for you. If you feel afraid or hurt, find a space of calm to sort out fact from fiction.

4. Recognize that tension is not necessarily a bad thing! In his book titled “What to Do When It’s Your Turn,” Seth Godin talks about the idea of living with tension as “The space before resolution – where possibility, art, and creativity are born.” However, the author goes on to talk about the reality that if we live in a space of anxiety and uncertainty every day, we will fry our systems and become useless by age 40. We need to keep in mind that there is a level of healthy tension that spurs us to ideas/resolutions we would not have otherwise found. On the other hand, there is an equal amount of unhealthy tension that can destroy us from the inside out. In those spaces, we must learn to step back so the Holy Spirit can step in. Like the saying goes, “The toughest steel gets forged in the hottest fire.” However, human hearts aren’t made of steel, they burn at much lower temperatures! So here’s my encouragement to you: Learn to be a keen observant of how tension is directing your heart. Moreover, learn to re-direct it with the power of God working in/through you. Finally, remember that it will not always be tense like it is right now. God will get you through it and you’ll come out stronger!

I hope these have been helpful. Know this: if you are in a space of tension, it’s probably because God is deepening you. Leave a prayer request in a comment below and I will personally pray for you.