Kyle's message from this past weekend has stuck with me particularly strong this week.  He spoke about relationships and how we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to develop REAL-ationships.  We have to trust someone else and be authentic in order to move to a deeper level with another person.  To develop relationships that are meaningful and deep, there is a level of risk, and you have to be willing to put yourself out there.

Well, allow me to be vulnerable with you right now.
I don't trust people.

It has always been in my nature to be very open, trusting, and forgiving of other people.  It is just a part of who I am.  I like to see the best in others and expect the best from them.

But I have been hurt.  There was a time, not too long ago, that I was let down and hurt by a number of people that I trusted to have my back.  And all of these people let me down around the same time.  I experienced a lot of betrayed trust and a lot of hurt in a short amount of time.

Because of that, I have become guarded.  I am cautious of who I trust and who I open up to.  It is unfair to me, but I tend to compare everyone I meet to the people who have hurt me in the past.  I expect them to let me down.  Feeling this way is hard for me.  It makes me sad that I was damaged badly enough that something so inherently a part of me was taken away.

The good news is that I am working past it.  God has been softening my heart again and allowing wonderful people to come into my life as I let my guard down.  I have experienced the benefits of being vulnerable again.  I have started to develop some amazing friendships here City Church.  I am involved in a small group with people who I can be real with and trust to not let me down.  While it's not always easy, the risk has been totally worth it, and I'm getting back to my old self again.