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"...Mercy triumphs over judgement."  James 2:13

In light of the romantic holiday which is upon us, pastor Kyle Bonenberger began the two-part Deeper REAL-a-tionships topic on Sunday morning.  He gave us insight that God helps us build our relationships and wants them to succeed.  Part 1 focused on our friendships and building a foundation that lasts.

"POSERS!" How many of us use a mask while with others?  Are you honest with others, yourself, with God?  The foundation for a deeper relationship is honesty and authenticity.  Don't be a "poser" or keep a mask up; being honest and genuine keeps a relationship real.

By taking your mask off, you can become vulnerable.  Vulnerability is the door to deeper relationships.  When we get hurt, we close a door to protect ourselves.  In order to get deeper in a relationship, those doors must be open. God wants to redeem the relationships that hurt us.  Be vulnerable and take the risk.

With the doors open, complete the deeper relationship always in the context of truth and develop healthy boundaries.  This brings us back around to the foundation.  Build any and all relationships with truth.  Yet healthy boundaries are the guidelines for freedom and success.  Kyle uses his wife, Lisa, and himself as examples; they are completely open, yet don't tell each other everything!  Shocking?!  Well, Lisa councils and as Kyle put it I'm sure her clients would not want Lisa to indulge their information to a pastor who speaks to a crowd of people every week!

Do you have a "safe person"? Kyle concludes by encouraging us to find a "safe person" and let the relationship progress naturally.  God designed our relationships to succeed, but there is also an element of fear.  Through the hurt of past relationships, God can deliver us to stronger and deeper relationship if we open ourselves.  Be truthful and vulnerable, yet keep those healthy boundaries.  Anything good in life takes a little bit of risk.

Take the risk!

Kyle's message from this past weekend has stuck with me particularly strong this week.  He spoke about relationships and how we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to develop REAL-ationships.  We have to trust someone else and be authentic in order to move to a deeper level with another person.  To develop relationships that are meaningful and deep, there is a level of risk, and you have to be willing to put yourself out there.

Well, allow me to be vulnerable with you right now.
I don't trust people.

It has always been in my nature to be very open, trusting, and forgiving of other people.  It is just a part of who I am.  I like to see the best in others and expect the best from them.

But I have been hurt.  There was a time, not too long ago, that I was let down and hurt by a number of people that I trusted to have my back.  And all of these people let me down around the same time.  I experienced a lot of betrayed trust and a lot of hurt in a short amount of time.

Because of that, I have become guarded.  I am cautious of who I trust and who I open up to.  It is unfair to me, but I tend to compare everyone I meet to the people who have hurt me in the past.  I expect them to let me down.  Feeling this way is hard for me.  It makes me sad that I was damaged badly enough that something so inherently a part of me was taken away.

The good news is that I am working past it.  God has been softening my heart again and allowing wonderful people to come into my life as I let my guard down.  I have experienced the benefits of being vulnerable again.  I have started to develop some amazing friendships here City Church.  I am involved in a small group with people who I can be real with and trust to not let me down.  While it's not always easy, the risk has been totally worth it, and I'm getting back to my old self again.

Pastor Kyle Bonenberger gave a great message Sunday entitled “Deeper Freedom.” This message focused on the Bible passages of James 1:19 – 26, primary the quote stating that “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

Kyle says, “Deeper freedom involves a relationship with Christ and obedience to Christ.” Deeper freedom is a release from the sin we have in our lives. This freedom allows us to be able to find and follow the dreams that God has for us. Our Pastor says that many people struggle with changing the areas of sin in our lives because we are not willing to change. This unwillingness keeps us constrained, Kyle says.
 
Pastor Kyle explained that sometimes we build this type of business relationship with God where we follow a system of “do’s and don’ts,” as it relates to being Christian, without really being open to cultivating a more profound relationship with God. We decide to follow the rules without really being involved in the process. Because of this, we find ourselves in a type of “bondage,” unable to listen to God and really reach this "deeper freedom."

It is only once we stop, listen and quiet our minds, can we hear God's plans for us. Kyle stated it best: Obedience is the only path to freedom."

Kyle Bonenberger gave a great message Sunday entitled “Deeper Freedom.” This message focused on the Bible passages of James 1:19 – 26, primary the quote stating that “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

Kyle says, “Deeper freedom involves a relationship with Christ and obedience to Christ.” Deeper freedom is a release from the sin we have in our lives. This freedom allows us to be able to find and follow the dreams that God has for us. Our Pastor says that many people struggle with changing the areas of sin in our lives because we are not willing to change. This unwillingness keeps us constrained, Kyle says.
 
Pastor Kyle explained that sometimes we build this type of business relationship with God where we follow a system of “do’s and don’ts,” as it relates to being Christian, without really being open to cultivating a more profound relationship with God. We decide to follow the rules without really being involved in the process. Because of this, we find ourselves in a type of “bondage,” unable to listen to God and really reach this "deeper freedom."

It is only once we stop, listen and quiet our minds, can we hear God's plans for us. Kyle stated it best: Obedience is the only path to freedom."

Marcel Proust said, "We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us."

This "wisdom" Proust refers to was the topic of Kyle Steven Bonenberger's message this last Sunday, January 10th. Kyle explained that, as people, we struggle with understanding the difference between knowledge and wisdom. In the fictional stories of John and Jenny portrayed this past weekend, we looked at two people who struggle to lead lives according to God's will rather than ones laced with doubt and bad decisions.

It was with Jenny and John's story that Kyle read James 1:5, which said, "if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." And in that passage God asks us to not doubt him, but to have faith.

Like John and Jenny, though, temptation and fear cause us to seek pleasure and happiness in sources other than God. And in many ways, we believe that we can find our own peace without God being involved. But only through wisdom can we see that "we don't have it all togther." This wisdom, as explained by Proust, can be hard to find.

Kyle says that cultivating the process of seeking God's wisdom teaches us to find it. That process often involves us being able to listen to God with no agenda and to surrender our control to Him.

"God wants us to shut up and listen," Kyle explained. "Let God go first. Let God be God."